Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Desire - Delicious and Scary.

Why is the word, desire, so delicious? Because it's such a sensual word, one that I feel to my very core. It creates visions of little birds hatching, fragrant flowers blossoming, water trickling in a fountain, hearty soup simmering, love shared, words written and said, copper and clay and paint and yarn and wire and beads and chocolate...well, you get the idea.

Desire is something I desire. I just didn't know to use that word until the other day when I read Jen Louden's blog post. Do I allow myself to feel it? Sadly, not very often. Why? Desire is a word that also scares me to my core. After I read Jen's blog and the comments, I saw I'm not alone with my desire of desire and my fear of it, too.

Here's are some quotes from Jen's blog about desire:

Lorin Roche, from The Radiance Sutras:

"When a desire arises in you, let it flow. Sense the sparkle and flash as the desire springs up. Put your whole attention into that flashing energy. Seeing desire in this way brings tranquility and equanimity. As you absorb the energy of the desire, you glow with satisfaction."

Jen wrote, "I do not want to miss out on life because I was afraid to desire. It burns, it hurts, it beckons, it seduces, and most of all, it’s here. Why waste time resisting?"

I commented, "I realize that I keep my ‘desire’ down because it scares me. Even the word, desire, shakes my soul and brings up the mud of guilt. Now, maybe, I can let it in a little, see it for the goodness that it is and can be?"

Molly Gordon shared this quote by Buddhist psychologist, Mark Epstein:

"Desire is a teacher: When we immerse ourselves in it without guilt, shame or clinging, it can show us something special about our own minds that allows us to embrace life fully… If we are out of touch with our desires, we cannot fully be ourselves. In this way of thinking, desire is our vitality, an essential component of our human experience, that which gives us our individuality and at the same time keeps prodding us out of ourselves."

What is desire to you? How does desire feel to you? How can we all move toward our desire, embracing desire without guilt?

I can see already, that just using the word desire, a sparkle of light, a shimmering tingle and a shy smile has started to peek through my serious busy-ness in spite of myself. I even let myself 'play' with paint today. I let myself desire fun and mess instead of perfection. That's not so bad, is it?

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