Alive and Free.

 

It’s taken me days to start writing this piece. Well, years or maybe decades, actually. As a woman, a grandmother, a mother, a spouse, I’ve had many roles dictated by society, by religion, by men. I have been seen and unseen. Loved and hated. Embraced and abused. And it started when I was so young, I had no words for it. No context. Even if I did, I would not have been heard. 

So you can understand why this weeks press conference on Capitol Hill by the women who as girls were captured and raped hit me hard. They are so brave and I wished I could have been so brave, too. I tried. I was unheard. So I did the best I could, I shielded my children. I refused to let them be alone with my family. When I had to appear, my husband and I made sure they were protected at all times. Push came to shove and I had to say, NO. Stop the abuse and bullying. Stop the threats. Instead of listening to me, my mother disinherited me. 

The bullies got the money. 

I got safety.

Am I angry. Yes. 

Is there grief and loss? Yes. 

But I am free. I am safe. 

So are my children and grandchildren. 

Art Therapy. 

I can see now, clearly, that much of my art tells the story. Without realizing it I wasn’t just telling the story of my past, but the story of my present. The story of rising. The story of the strength it took to stand up and step away. 

Now with that pedophile in the White House, I put my feelings and needs into clay. I thought I was just playing around with a new way of making a bust. But without realizing it, I created a few pieces with women as walls. Women as guardians and goddesses.

These pieces helped me see the truth. I may feel shaky, but I am healing. Physically from major surgery this year where, as an older woman, I was tossed from doctor to doctor for a year before getting the help I needed. Mentally from the shock of major surgery. Emotionally from the wounds of the past both emotional and physical. 

And as my sweet, strong, supportive husband keeps telling me: it takes time.

 

Time to slowly find myself again. 

Working with my hands and heart and clay.  

I now have Goddesses to remind me:

I protected my love, my babies, myself. 

Now, I am alive and free. 

 

Don’t let it get you down.

 

I just want you to know, I get it. I’m just as angry and tired and sad about the election and the behavior of the stupid, newly elected being in the big White House. Notice I am not naming names or titles because this person, these people don’t deserve that kind of honor. Because they are not honorable. They are thieves. Plain and simple. 

But don’t let them take you down with them.

Because that’s what they want. They want you to be tired, scared and stressed and give in. They want you to be angry. They feed off of it. 

So don’t. 

Don’t give them your anger to fuel their hate. 

Don’t give them your fear to fuel their aggression. 

Don’t give them your energy. It fuels them and fills their pocket books. 

And I believe, they will not last. 

Give love and comfort. 

  

In the meantime, what can you or I do to make our lives better? One thing we can all do right away in our own homes and lives to transform our anger into love. 

What do you love to do? Do it. I’m thinking of Martha Beck’s idea of making a Sanity Quilt. Quite simply, it’s finding small, easy things in your life that you love to do and doing it. I know, it sounds simple but it works. 

So do it.  

Do your walk in the woods to fuel your sense of wonder. 

Pet your dog.  

Hug your spouse. 

Kiss your grandbaby to give and receive love. 

Doodle with colorful markers. 

Take a beautiful photo to share to fuel your creativity.  

Write in your journal. 

Write a positive post on social media to share good thoughts. 

Be kind to your elected officials and their interns who are on your side. 

Help others and help yourself. 

What can you do that helps make life better? 

It doesn’t have to be big.

Thrive Anyway

The past few weeks have been crazy. And I’m convinced that is the intention of this new situation we have with our government. You’ll notice I’m not naming names, political parties or internet barons. Why? Because, names have power and I’m not giving it to them. I know, it’s a shit show. But I’ve decided not waddle into it with them. I believe that’s what they want me/us to do.   

I resist. And I’ve found my own way to fight and some needed inspiration from this poem by Loren Brantz.

“In a time of hate

Love is an act of resistance

In a time of fear

Faith is an act of resistance 

In a time of misinformation

Education is an act of resistance 

In a time of poor leadership

Community is an act of resistance

In a time like this

Joy is an act of resistance

Resist. Resist. Resist.”

• Loryn Brantz

Love.

I’m going to send out love into the world as much as I can. I’m helping my family stay healthy and calm with words of support. I’m taking care of my grandsons and granddaughter by giving them a safe, loving place to have fun. 

Faith.

I’m going to send out faith instead of fear.  We are strong.  Each of us is powerful in our own hearts and our own lives. We will get through and beyond all of this because we believe not just in our rights but also the rights of others. 

Education.

I’m going to help educate myself and others by seeking and sending out facts and good information. Here’s a link to a Substack podcast written by an experienced broadcast journalist. https://miketurner921.substack.com/p/trouble-in-the-newsroom?r=2j4566

Community.

I’m sending appreciation out into the world as much as I can. I’m there to help my neighbors and friends. I’m making and donating crochet hats and scarves to keep people warm. I’m thanking the park workers who clean the bathrooms and trim the trees to keep the park beautiful. I’m wishing every walker I pass by a ‘good morning’ and a smile. 

Joy.

I’m going to continue to create whenever and wherever I can. I will not let fear stop me. I will continue to paint and sculpt and crochet. I will share it with anyone who wants and needs to create joy in their life too. 

This is my resistance. What’s yours?

Goodbye 2024 Word of the Year

 

Every year, I choose a word of the year. I do it to give myself some inspiration and motivation for the coming year. Last year, my word was Move. With all the lifestyle changes that happened both during COVID and after, I need a word to get me going. It seemed like the perfect choice. 

I’d been in the hospital before Christmas that year with an abscess that needed to be drained. It was a scary, unexpected situation and even though I came home from the hospital before Christmas, I had to take it easy and not do or move as much as I usually did. I obeyed the instructions and thought after that all would be well. 

So Move seemed like the perfect choice. 

Not so fast. 

Yeah. This last year was a maze of doctor, urgent care, express care visits with so many different drugs and diagnoses that I was in a constant state of confusion. If you want to know more, read the blog “Easily Dismissed”. 

To say I was in a haze is to put it mildly. I lived with pain and fear. I was low on energy, yet pushed through to move on with my life as best I could. I couldn’t throw clay because it hurt to push the clay around on the wheel. So I made small figures in clay because I could do it sitting down in a comfy chair and rolling out the clay in small batches was manageable. 

I’m moved by those who helped. 

First, my wonderful husband who did the heavy lifting all year. He took over so many of my duties that I could not do. He grocery shopped, cooked and cleaned. He baked up a storm of cookies and treats and meals to keep me eating when I didn’t feel I could. 

My children, adults now with their own families and jobs, stepped up to walk, feed and care for the dog when I was in the hospital. Twice. They, along with friends, brought food and treats and things to keep me busy while I was confined to my bed. They are so wonderful. 

Thank you  to my art supporters from the gallery to the pottery group. It’s because of you that I was able to keep doing what I really love to do and manage to get my art out there. With the help of my husband doing the hauling and lifting and driving, I did Ceramics Showcase and sold a few things. Best of all, I had a gallery and a wonderful supportive owner and staff who wanted my work and worked with me to make it possible and sold it too!!

And a big thank you to the doctor and nurses and aides at St. Vincent Hospital, I was finally diagnosed correctly. Yes, I had a major but much needed surgery. And I went home finally, whole and healthy and able to really move on.  

May Days

 

Where did May go? As they say, time flys while you’re having fun, I’d say yes and sometimes time just flys. After a year of shocking life changes and health challenges, I’ve been having some fun which is a lovely surprise. 

Although it’s a lot of work, potting and planting my yard and patio is always fun. Going to the garden store is a delightful field trip. I love wandering through the isles of bright flowers and colorful hanging baskets. I couldn’t wait to get them home and planted. 

Grandchildren are grand indeed. 

This month also found my husband and I taking care of 2 of our 3 little ones. We had 3 year old, Cieran for four days. He is such a sweet and smart little boy. We went to the park one day and watched his pre-school fun run. He did art in my studio, cars of course, since that’s his favorite movie right now. 

On Thursdays, we get to have 16 month old Madden here. It’s so much fun to see him grow and learn and develop from little baby to toddler. We always take him on a walk to the park. He’s walking with confidence now and one of the best things is his desire to explore. 

Health and art. 

Finally, this month I had my appointment with my new PCP which if you don’t know(and I didn’t until recently) is my Primary Care Physician. In my new ‘healthcare’ world, this is the person who oversees all of my healthcare needs. I looked forward to this appointment and the chance to talk to one person about all my recent health care issues. I hoping this will make my experiences with this new healthcare system much easier. 

The studio is always my happy place. I’m so glad when I’m in there working with colors and clay. This week, I’m making new birds and playing with new ideas for little sculptures. And wondering about more paintings in a watercolor technique on clay. 

May Days fly by

Like the birds in the sky

Perhaps it’s time to sit and savor

The colors of the season

And let it all bloom, including me.