What’s Next?

 

Finishing things in the studio and around the house feels good, yet my mind races ahead to what’s next. The ongoing quest or question drives creation and maybe, drives me a little crazy? 

I wanted, and maybe needed, to do a relief sculpture of oak leaves. The face, like the others I’ve made, is a mystical goddess. With her eyes opening outward, a tribal like eyebrow and smiling lips, she feels to me like wisdom and love. 

So far I’ve made her the center of a sunflower, poppies, ginkgo leaves and now oak leaves. Am I celebrating the seasons as I would imagine she does? I don’t know. And that’s ok. 

That’s how art works for me, if I let myself listen without listening.  Be moved instead of moving. See without using my eyes, instead using my hands and heart. Act from my gut, my core, my intuition. 

The magic of making. 

I love to make things, so I’m always making things. That’s the good part. The ideas. The excitement of the beginning. The intense focus and joy of rolling and cutting and putting pieces in place one by one. I am always oblivious to the mess in the moment and while I delight in the idea, the process always takes much more time than I envision. 

That’s ok. Step by step the pieces come together. My only race is with my hands, the weather and time. Clay is a medium which needs cooler weather and humidity all within a certain window of time. Once it starts to dry out, the working window closes. Sometimes completely. Yes, there are ways to keep it moist and pick up where I left off but sometimes, life gets in the way.

Symbols of power. 

As a nation, we are fighting for our rights, our safety and our lives. So art seems a frivolous action. And yet, somewhere inside me feels it is a lifeline, our lifeline. Grounding to the earth, to the soul, to each other. It makes a connection that can’t be bought or paid or taken away. 

It is our common ground. It is a language beyond words. It is our souls reaching out for each other. Whispering in the night: “We are still here. We are all right. We are together.”

Oak trees and their leaves are symbols of strength, endurance, stability and longevity. Because they are big, powerful trees with a long life span, they also represent fertility and wisdom. Along with their acorns, they represent power, authority and victory. 

Perhaps I needed some Oak tree power this week, maybe you do too. 

Sanity Stockings

 

Stitching my way to peace.

It’s been almost a year since my major surgery. A surgery I didn’t know was coming, saved my life. I’m grateful. Before I got the surgery I was bounced from one Urgent Care to another with no diagnosis. I was even told by one doctor, “You remind of my mother. There’s nothing wrong with you.” 

Yeah. After 9 months, a CT scan proved something was really wrong. I thank the surgeon and nurses who really helped me both physically and emotionally. (If you want the whole story, read my first Substack/blog “Easily Dismissed”.)

Crocheting comfort.

Recovery from major surgery is not easy for anyone. I’m not a very patient, patient. I had to have something to do. So I started crocheting hats and scarves. I’d made more than enough for family and friends, then I thought I’d donate some to a local shelter for women and children. When I dropped them off, they asked if I was part of a group because they’d really love some Christmas stockings. About 40. 

I said, I’d see what I could do.

Stocking up or down. 

I’ve never made a crochet Christmas stocking. So I searched the internet and found several patterns. I tried one that is crocheted from top down which means the heel and toe are done last. It was single crochet which is easy but boring. And I hated doing the heel and toe at the end.

Then I found a stocking pattern that went from the toe and heel up. It used a ribbing stitch I’d never done and gave me a new challenge. Plus I got the tricky bit done first and the rest was the fun ribbed stitch.

Recovering peace and connection. 

Months went by and I had happily stitched my way through most of my yarn stash making ribbed stockings. I picked up some great buys when a local yarn store closed but I started getting a little bored with red and white and teal green.  

I’d made quite a few stockings by this point, but I doubted I could make them all on my own. And I’d recovered enough to venture beyond my home turf. That’s when I found a new event at my local library: a fiber meet up! 

It was a lovely mixed group of fiber enthusiasts: a quilter, a weaver and, yes, knitters and crocheters! There was even a big bin of free/donated yarn! Colors like hot pink, blue, yellow and mixed. Oh my. 

Here’s a quote from Martha Beck that inspired me: “Like crazy quilting, “sanity quilting” involves stitching together a life out of things you love in order to stay peaceful, calm, inspired, and sane. “

Then I needed to stay calm

And recover my strength and spirit

Now I’m inspired and peaceful

And staying sane

One stocking at a time.

Bloom

Things are flowering in my studio. I don’t know why. I didn’t make sketches or take pictures or plan or conceptualize designs. 

I got out my clay. Rolled out a slab and set it aside.The next day, I rolled out some more clay and started cutting it up. Leaves appeared. Petals popped up. Why? 

Ok, I do love flowers. I don’t buy big bouquets. Instead, I splurge on one small bunch of flowers every week at Trader Joe’s. Whatever is in season: Sunflowers, Dahlias, Chrysanthemums, Gerbera Daisies. And I get an orchid plant to put behind my sink and baby it until it goes, then I get another one. 

Clay Blooms. 

It never occurred to me to make flowers in clay, but they’re here and they’re growing. I have to wonder again, why? Is there something going on around me I’m not aware of? Some plant or flower fairy waving her magic wand?

I did three in a row and stopped. I thought that was it and that’s fine. 

A clay circle. 

I went into the studio another day,  got out my clay and cut it into a circle. Soon the circle had a nose. Then eyes. And lips. Ok, so I made a face. Not in the way I’ve ever made faces or sculpted clay. But there it was on my board, so I propped it up on top of a yogurt container, covered it and left my studio. 

So, I made this round face. It was an experiment. I’d never made a face or sculpture like that before, so maybe it was just a new challenge. I had no idea beyond just making a more abstract, round face. 

Flowers again. 

The next morning, I was admiring the 4 sunflowers I’d bought at TJ’s that week. Later that day, the face became a Sunflower. Then a ladybug came to rest on the clay. 

Again, no planning, no drawing, no decision. It just happened. 

It was fun. 

Then another flower face or face flower appeared. And more ladybugs. 

My mind shouted: what are you doing? And why? 

I truly don’t know. And maybe I’m not meant to know. 

Maybe there is no why. There’s only what.

Maybe somewhere inside me there was a need. 

After all the doctors and drugs and surgery and pain.

Maybe it’s time for me to trust my body. 

And like a flower: Bloom.  

Looking for Life

It’s a bright, sunny day here in Oregon which is something to celebrate. Our weather is typically cloudy and cool with maybe some rain. Climate change has changed it up in the last few years but I’m still a true Oregonian. When it rains, I smile. 

Sigh. I’d like to be smiling right now. How about you? It seems all around us there are dark clouds gathering. Anger rising. Threats to our lives and security. A crazy maniac in the big White House who is followed by crooks interested in stealing money and selling secrets. 

It’s overwhelming at times. And I don’t know about you, but I refuse to get mired in the muck. 

Pulling myself up and out. 

One way I’ve managed to save my creative soul and spirit is to get out into nature. Walking isn’t just about exercise, it’s about moving my body, mind and soul into the real world of nature. Trees and birds and squirrels who live in peaceful contentment rooted in the earth around them. Thankfully, I have a beautiful park in my neighborhood to walk around everyday. 

Hearing the kids play on the swings. 

Seeing the Heron floating in the water. 

Looking down at an oak leaf and thinking of how I could form it in clay. 

Breathe in life. Real life. 

Step by step around the lake I go, watching and hearing and hoping. I smile at the people walking by me. Heal in my dog to let them pass. And hope, no matter what new craziness happens in our country today, that they are ok. That we are all safe. That all of our days get better. That this craziness will end peacefully and safely. 

Let’s all take a deep breath together. 

Breathe in beauty.

Breathe in love.

Breathe in life. 

We will get through this.

By looking for life and beauty all around us. 

 

Let’s pull the weeds and flower.

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything. I usually write almost everyday in my journal or notes. But lately, all I’ve been doing is sitting and scrolling and staring at the unbelievable insanity out there. 

When it got to be too much, I started cleaning. I’ve dusted and vacuumed and washed from top to bottom. Window blinds, ceiling fans, inside cupboards and closets, chairs and couches. I washed throws and blankets and pillows and curtains. Then I looked outside and started pulling weeds. Tall weeds. Small weeds. Itsy bitsy weeds that I would normally ignore because I hate weeding. Out with it all. 

The dirt and weeds had to go. So the flowers could grow. 

Hmm. Perhaps there’s a metaphor here? 

With all those evil, stupid bullies in Washington, it feels like time has slipped backwards. I thought as a woman who fought for my rights once, I was done. 

Nope. Obviously, there’s more to do. 

What are we learning here? That bullies win? That greed wins? That stupid wins?

I know it looks like that but I think there’s more to it. Perhaps, we’re using the wrong tools. We’re using the understanding, logical, problem solving, let’s get along tools. When we need to use the heavy duty, no you don’t tools to clean it all out. 

Anyone else doing what these bullies have done, would be arrested and in jail by now. Where are our judges? Our Congress? Our Senate? Our Generals? 

I wonder. 

Where is the nation that I know and love? The people who help people? The elected ones who promoted education, health, safety and jobs for all? Equality for everyone. No one left behind. Everyone allowed to flower and grow. 

I don’t understand the anger of the right, thinking they’re right. Or the Greed Gang who want it all for themselves. Because when no one is left out, even them, everyone moves forward together. Maybe I’m naive but it seems to me to be a pretty simple way to go. You go your way, I’ll go mine. Choice is still there for everyone.

That’s the word: choice. 

What do you need?

What do you want?

If you don’t like something, fine. That’s your choice. 

But you don’t get the right to choose for me.  

Let’s all make our own choices, 

And learn to pull the weeds, so we can flower and grow together.