Something from Nothing

I’m just going to write today. I need a way out of the downward swirl. I want to feel good about something and stay away from all the bad out there. If I were my eight year old self again, I’d be sitting in the corner of my closet with a book. 

Reading saved me as a kid. It was an approved way to spend my time on a hot summer day. Sitting in the shade, on the neighbors porch, reading Nancy Drew. It still helps me, reading a ‘cozy’ mystery. You know the genre’, where the female character solves the mystery, maybe with the help of a few friends, the criminal gets caught and they all go out to celebrate. 

Oh, how I wish the world really worked that way all the time. Don’t you?

Now instead of escaping into my closet or the next door neighbors patio, I walk. I take my grandson to the park to play.  I lean on the trees in the woods nearby. I bake with my husband. I make things out of clay. And I crochet with no pattern. 

Right now, I’m in the ‘finishing’ phase in the studio. This is the part that makes my nerves all jangled. It’s not just that it’s the end of the making, which I love, but it’s the beginning of the booming inner critic’s voice. You know what I mean?

“Oh this will never sell.”

“What were you thinking?”

“Who is going to want a sunflower with a face?”

“It’s not a perfect flower, you know.”

“This is does not look even close to a real bird.”

Yeah. My inner critic is a nasty bitch. I really should fire her. 

Believe me, I’ve tried. 

But she just keeps coming back to work. 

And she gets even louder when I’m filling out forms to enter a show.  

That’s my next step. One I dread, too. Filling out the application form. Downloading the images. Hoping that my iPad will cooperate with the venue’s computer. Then, of course, is the wait. Acceptance or Rejection? It always feels like I’m putting myself into a revolving door over which I have no control. 

Sigh. Why do I put myself through all this, you might ask? Good Question. 

 I love seeing things in the sky, the trees, the flowers and letting my imagination flow.  

I love clay. I love painting. I love making something from nothing.  

I do it because I love what I see. 

And, I want others to see what I love. 

And I think we all need to see more love around us. 

 

Chain of Joy

I’m sitting here on the window seat looking out at a light blue sky with thin white clouds. I can hear the buzz of the weed eater in the backyard and hum of the washing machine. 

Just another day in my neck of the ‘woods’. 

How do I feel right now? 

I’m Ok. And maybe a little worried. 

Are my kids and grandkids ok?

Is my husband out with the weed eater ok?

Why is the dog scratching his eye?

What is that greedy guy in the big White House going to do next?

Taking a breath in and out. I sigh.

I’m doing what I can: protesting, boycotting and supporting my friends and neighbors. 

But it’s hard to let go of the baseline worry that hums away underneath everything right now. Hard to focus on joy when there are people suffering because of the greedy criminals in our capitol.

But we have to find joy. 

We have to look for beauty. 

We have to bring what we love into the world, right now. 

Maybe, especially right now.  

Because joy and beauty and love is how we stay strong. 

Sharing it with each other is the chain that keeps us together. 

Ok, I’m still worried. 

But, maybe, we can be worried together and let it ignite change.

And maybe, together we can find and share some beauty.

And some joy.   

What are you doing that brings joy and love and beauty into your life right now?

Let’s start our own chain of joy. 

 

 

Seeing from the Inside Out

I don’t know where to start writing today. There’s just so much out there right now, my mind and inbox overflows. And one thing I don’t 

want to do is add more fuel to the fire or try to wash it all away. It’s maddening and overwhelming and sad. 

I’m aware. I’m not sticking my head in the sand. I’m just trying to find my own balance. And the only thing that balances it all out for me right now is beauty and art. So I take my walks around the lake and listen to the geese. Watch the ducks swim past me. And, if I’m lucky snatch a glimpse of a heron. 

At home, I crochet because the movement of my fingers in and around yarn soothes my soul. Right now, I’m crocheting red ‘resistance’ hats. Learning to make a tassel was a new process but I did figure it out, finally. The next hat will be better. 

And I doodle and paint and play with clay. This week, when it all got too much, I took out my black pen and let it swirl up, down and around. Then I got out my watercolor pencils and colored the sections in like a coloring book. Another day, I brushed water into each section. Another day, I went over my black lines with more black. It’s nothing. It’s just a doodle. But it gave my mind and soul a safe place to meander for a while. 

Another day, I took out some clay pieces that needed the next step: color. I made these pieces in the last 6 months or so with no agenda in mind. I’ve never made anything like this before. They’re not functional clay pieces. They have no fancy titles or artsy ideas. Maybe I could call them clay doodles? I don’t know. What I do know is they needed color but I wasn’t sure which colors. Again, I had no plan. I just got out my colored underglazes and started painting. 

They will need a clear glaze and firing to be finished. But that’s ok, I think the slow process isn’t just important to the clay.

 It’s important for me, for my mind and my body and my soul. 

To quiet. To rest. To see from the inside out for a change. 

Good

 

Ok. In my last piece the title was, ‘Evil’. There is evil out there, I had to write about it. And I stand by it. 

But.

There is also the ‘Good’. And I think right now, I have to see it and write about it and put it out there because I need the balance just as much right now. I think we all do. 

We need to believe in the Good. 

We need to see the good in the people around us. The good in our family, our friends, our neighbors. Even in our parks, our streets, our schools, our hospitals, our libraries. 

There is a lot of good out there right now. 

Here’s some more on a personal level: my husband was helped by EMT’s, doctors, nurses, lab techs and volunteers. He is well and home and fine, thanks to all of these people. I was helped by family and neighbors and friends who ran errands, walked my dog, cleaned my kitchen, brought us dinner, sparkling water, soup, Kleenex and warm cranberry cake. 

Good people live all around us. All the time. 

They share. They ask how you’re doing and listen. They hold the door open for you.  

They protest. Make signs. Bring wet wipes and food. 

And help you survive the bad. 

They are the good. 

We need to see the good right now. 

So we can all survive the bad. 

Evil

 

I sit here with the sunshine streaming in behind me and I wonder, why? 

And yet, I know the answers: power and greed breed evil. 

Evil that kills without shame and steals without guilt. 

But what is almost unbearable is the cost: mothers and fathers and children killed. 

I haven’t written about what’s happening in our country this way because I couldn’t find the right words. While others did and I applauded them, I felt numb. 

I know overwhelm when I feel it. I’ve been there before: COVID, layoffs, illness and major surgery, an ambulance ride to the hospital, my husband recovering from RSV. 

But this, what’s going on in our country is more than I can take right now. Go ahead and call me a coward, but right now, this is the best I can do. Now to be fair, I have made signs and protested and marched. I’d write my representatives but in the emails they send, all they want from me is money. This makes me mad, too.

Excuse me, dear Senator or Congressman, you are making more than me and from my tax dollars, too. How dare you ask me for money to do the job I am paying you to do!

Sunshine, peace and coffee cake. 

Is that too much to ask? Really?? I don’t have grand goals. I just want a few things from life and from my country. And most of it doesn’t cost anyone a dime. 

Warmth and light from the sun in the sky. Maybe a few daffodils along the way. 

Soft voices and warm hearts, peace, health and safety for myself, my husband, my grandchildren and my sweet doggie.

Sweetness and cinnamon filling the house with warmth and coffee cake. 

Living a life with simple joys and safety and gratitude. And a little art. 

But YOU, you know who YOU are: take your billions, pay your taxes, do your time. 

Your evil abuses will be remembered forever. 

A stain that no amount of money or gilded arch can ever wash away. 

But the brave and the courageous and the true people, will be celebrated long after you are gone. 

And, you will be gone.