Thursday, June 13, 2013

Life: lost and found.

Life is full of losses big and small.  But, luckily, living means finding, too. 

I’ve lost socks, umbrellas, earrings and watches.  These are small losses in the grand scheme of life.  But at the time, I got very upset.  I retraced my steps.  I had others look for me.  I ranted and raved and chastised myself for being irresponsible.  I blamed myself and worst of all, told myself I was a loser.

That’s just not true.  For me or you.  Ever.

Yes, I lost socks and umbrellas and earrings.   Recently, I lost a beautiful watch that my husband gave me for Mother’s Day on Mother’s Day.   When he gave it to me, he said, “You’re worth it.”  When I lost it, I wondered if it was a sign that I wasn’t meant to have it.  I, once again, blamed myself and wondered if I wasn’t worth it.  Then, something amazing happened.   When the manager heard my story, she special ordered another one for me and gave it to me with all the special beads attached at no charge.   

The universe in its wisdom, wanted to teach me a lesson here.  I am worth it and so are you.  Losing doesn’t mean any of us are losers. 

Life hands us many challenges.  Every day.  Our biggest challenge isn’t winning or losing.  It’s facing our fears.  And finding ourselves.

I faced a big fear this week.  At dinner with friends, I looked over to find my husband leaning back in his chair eyes closed and pale.  When I nudged him, he did not respond.  Within the next 15 minutes the paramedics were on the scene checking him out for heart attack or stroke while I stood on the sidelines in shock.  I listened to paramedics questions and heard my husband answer.   Watched as they hooked him up to machines in the ambulance and took pictures of his heart.  I heard them talk to the hospital.  Finally, they talked to me.  He fainted.  No heart or stroke indications at all.  We could go home.  But they recommended we go onto the hospital to make sure everything was all right.  We took their recommendation and spent the next 2 hours in the ER. All the tests came back normal.   

We drove home holding hands realizing that we had both faced our biggest fear: losing our life with each other.  Instead, we found we’d never lost it.  The body that breathes, smells, tastes, touches and watches beauty.  The mind that understands chooses and changes.  The heart that fears, cries, sighs and loves   The smile that you thought you’d lost, finds you again. 

I thought I’d lost myself in the terror of that moment.  What I found was a solid, silent core.  the hospidil for additional chel was well.  heart or stroke indications at all.  We could go home or go onto the hospital for a

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