Something from Nothing

I’m just going to write today. I need a way out of the downward swirl. I want to feel good about something and stay away from all the bad out there. If I were my eight year old self again, I’d be sitting in the corner of my closet with a book. 

Reading saved me as a kid. It was an approved way to spend my time on a hot summer day. Sitting in the shade, on the neighbors porch, reading Nancy Drew. It still helps me, reading a ‘cozy’ mystery. You know the genre’, where the female character solves the mystery, maybe with the help of a few friends, the criminal gets caught and they all go out to celebrate. 

Oh, how I wish the world really worked that way all the time. Don’t you?

Now instead of escaping into my closet or the next door neighbors patio, I walk. I take my grandson to the park to play.  I lean on the trees in the woods nearby. I bake with my husband. I make things out of clay. And I crochet with no pattern. 

Right now, I’m in the ‘finishing’ phase in the studio. This is the part that makes my nerves all jangled. It’s not just that it’s the end of the making, which I love, but it’s the beginning of the booming inner critic’s voice. You know what I mean?

“Oh this will never sell.”

“What were you thinking?”

“Who is going to want a sunflower with a face?”

“It’s not a perfect flower, you know.”

“This is does not look even close to a real bird.”

Yeah. My inner critic is a nasty bitch. I really should fire her. 

Believe me, I’ve tried. 

But she just keeps coming back to work. 

And she gets even louder when I’m filling out forms to enter a show.  

That’s my next step. One I dread, too. Filling out the application form. Downloading the images. Hoping that my iPad will cooperate with the venue’s computer. Then, of course, is the wait. Acceptance or Rejection? It always feels like I’m putting myself into a revolving door over which I have no control. 

Sigh. Why do I put myself through all this, you might ask? Good Question. 

 I love seeing things in the sky, the trees, the flowers and letting my imagination flow.  

I love clay. I love painting. I love making something from nothing.  

I do it because I love what I see. 

And, I want others to see what I love. 

And I think we all need to see more love around us. 

 

Clay Therapy

Most of my work, I do alone.  Throwing. Rolling. Pinching. Painting. Glazing. I love working in my studio and getting my hands into clay. No matter what I’m feeling or thinking, clay helps clear my mind, body and soul. 

With the recent life changes in my world and all the anxiety, I’ve needed my clay even more. There’s nothing like wedging a big piece of clay to relieve my stress. I laughingly call it, clay therapy. And I’m not alone. I saw a recent post about how there are things in soil that actually relieve depression and calm anxiety. 

Here’s what I found when I googled it: “Mycobacterium vaccae is the substance under study and has indeed been found to mirror the effect on neurons that drugs like Prozac provide. The bacterium is found in soil and may stimulate serotonin production, which makes you relaxed and happier.”

Figuring out new figures. 

I’ve done sculptures and masks in clay for many years. Lately, I’ve been experimenting with smaller figures and animals in a more abstract way. I’m leaning into the form or shapes rather than exacting detail. 

The new animal ideas are silly. 

But the new people feel both ancient and contemporary. 

New clay. 

For years, I’ve used a  porcelain clay for hand-building. It’s a nice, smooth, white clay but it needs gentle treatment. It has to be wrapped up to dry slowly and it cracks even under the best of circumstances. That means I lose pieces I’ve spent a lot of time making. Here are 5 of the new sculptures that didn’t crack.  

So I’m trying out a new clay that might be more sculpture friendly. But, I’m not sure I want to be friends. This clay is heavy and dense. It’s not pure white. And it feels sticky. The figures need to dry, so I don’t know how they will turn out. Luckily it will be worth the wait. 

Until then, I’ll keep playing with the new and old clay.

Wedging. Slapping. Rolling.

Easing my nerves  

Letting it help me move from then into now. 

April Showers and Flowers

Looking out the window today, I see rain, hail, sun and the splat of snowflakes. Then the sky clears and blue appears overhead like a reminder that bad weather, like life troubles, are temporary. And eventually the sun does shine again. 

This week, I took pictures of new vases and sold a leaf plate on Etsy. I’m grateful that I get to work with clay and see my creations find their way into someone else’s home. 

Taking my best shot. 

In the beginning, I paid a professional photographer to take pictures of my work. He set up the lights, backdrop and decided on the camera angle. So taking pictures of my own work took work to figure it out. It’s still not my comfort zone. I always doubt myself and my ability to do it right. 

But what I’ve found through trial and error is, it’s more important to use natural light. I want to show the piece at every angle. And capture the true colors and textures of each piece. When someone looks at my pieces online, I want them to see the real piece. Not dramatic lighting or special effects. I want them to really see how a piece would look in their own home. 

Time to rise above. 

This week, another big challenge for me was to rise above my fears about how my life is changing. My husband and I have been forced into a new life chapter. Like the camera I was using, I needed to focus on what is real, good and true. I am here. I am healthy. I am working in clay that I love. 

I can fill my vases with bright spring flowers. And make silly clay animals. 

Life might throw us unexpected changes. 

Like rain, hail and snow, seasons come and go. 

All we can do is breathe 

And wait for the sky to change and the flowers to bloom again.