A Quiet Christmas

I didn’t plan it. I didn’t expect it. But sometimes life just takes over whether you want it to or not. And sometimes, it saves your life. 

Ok, here’s the story. I woke up and felt sick. The kind of sick you can’t ignore anymore and believe me, I had become an expert in ignoring it for months. But on this morning, it was not going to let me ignore it anymore. It scared me enough to make me head to the local urgent care. 

Luckily, I was seen right away. The nurse, doctor and tech staff were all patient, good listeners and soon had a diagnosis. I had diverticulitis. Which, I have found out is very common in adults over the age of 40. A prescription for antibiotics was phoned in, a CT scan was scheduled asap and I was sent home. 

Two days later, I went in for a CT scan and the diagnosis was the same: diverticulitis. I was relieved. A course of antibiotics and I would be fine. Right? 

Emergency Hell.

At 5pm that same day, I got a call from the urgent care doctor telling me to go to the Emergency Room ASAP. I was shocked. Stunned. I tried to talk him out of it. He said, “NO, you have to go to the hospital. NOW.”

So, in a panic, my husband drove to St. Vincent’s. We checked into the emergency room. We found a bench and waited for two hours. Just as we were getting up to leave, they called us into an emergency room.

Next thing I knew, I was admitted and taken to the surgical floor. I was told I needed a procedure to drain an abscess in my colon. I was set up with several antibiotic IV. I was terrified. But I had great nurses, who helped me understand what was going on. A young doctor came in and explained what they were going to do. The next day I had a procedure to drain the abscess. By the following day, I was allowed to go home with many instructions.

Cancelling Christmas. 

It was a very hard decision. We had all the presents, food arranged but it was decided with my condition and little  grandchildren with colds that we had to cancel our Christmas Day celebration. I was upset, but I knew it was for the best. 

Instead, my husband and I just hunkered down by the fire. I read, sipped tea and looked at the lovely lighted tree. I talked and video chatted with my kids. Nibbled on holiday cookies brought by a friend. And tried hard to see the bigger picture. 

Goodness and gratefulness.                                                                                                                                                                               

Thank goodness for my husband for doing the heavy lifting: wound care, medicines, groceries, cooking, cleaning and moral support. I’m so grateful for my great kids who took care of the dog and ran grocery errands. I’m grateful for the kind nurses, doctors and imaging staff. I’m grateful so, so grateful to the doctor who insisted I go to the hospital, he probably saved my life. 

Sometimes life throws you a big curve.

Listen to your body. 

Be brave. 

Don’t fight it out of fear. 

Trust it.  And help it heal. 

 

Letting The Light In

 

It’s that time of year when the sun sets early and it gets dark. I admit, I don’t like it. It makes me crave my tea and cookies which I do like, of course. The turning of the earth and the winter season brings many feelings to the surface for all of us. 

This year has brought many challenges from lay offs to fighting for 6 months to get social security and medical benefits. It’s been a scary roller coaster ride but now, thankfully, the dust is settling and my anxiety is easing. 

Small comforts and joys. 

I worried about the Holiday season this year. Would we have to cut back on all the things we usually do? How would we manage gifts and stockings for all? One thing I have come to know is we are not alone this year. Many people are facing a different holiday season: inflation pushing up prices and salaries are down or gone. 

I wasn’t looking forward to decorating at all. But here’s what I found out: I can still feel comfort and joy. 

The wreath I made years ago, still looks joyful on the hall table. 

The Christmas books we’ve read to our children and now grandchildren are still fun to share. 

The stockings have grown to include new babies and spouses. 

And this year, we’re filling them with homemade treats and handmade decorations. 

Light and lightening up. 

The lights on the tree give me the boost I need in the darkening afternoon.  Sitting in the nook next to my best friend and husband, I breathe in the light of our love. While some things have changed drastically for us, our relationship has not. 

In fact, right now as I write this blog, he is writing his podcast. We are both healthy and active and creative on our own and together. 

Yes, we have to lighten up our gift giving this year. 

But the light we share is still there.

For each other, for our children, grandchildren and friends. 

What I have to do everyday is remember:

To let it in. 

Grateful

It’s been a crazy year with so much change. And I’ll admit, I’m still in the process of coping with it all. Now, I have more good days than not good days. That’s progress. And, I am also very aware of how fortunate I am to be here on this earth, in my home with people I love and who love me. 

My family and friends and supporters are true treasures, whether they are two or four footed. Whether it’s sitting quietly reading, taking a trip to the craft store, helping me show my work,  walking in the park or giving me a giggle, I’m grateful for them everyday. 

Grateful for mud and yarn.

Putting my hands in soft, squishy, clay is one of the most therapeutic things I can do. It calms my swirling mind. It soothes my spirit. And it gives me something to do that I can show and sell. 

Being creative and productive is essential to my mind and body. I don’t take it for granted that I have the ability and opportunity to make things in my studio. Even if a piece takes a wrong turn, I see it as a challenge to turn it around again. Or, and this is hard for me, let it be what it wants to be instead of what I thought it would be. 

Crochet is another therapy for me. I take it out in the evening while we’re watching TV and just let my hands get into the rhythm of stitching. I’ve made so many blankets lately, everyone in the family has one (whether they wanted one or not). Then i saw all these knitted pumpkins in stores and decided to try my hand on a crochet pumpkin with leftover yarn. It didn’t turn out too bad. Now, I’m moving on to making a few hats for the new grand baby. After that? Who knows? 

Grateful for home. 

My husband and I designed and built our home many decades ago. It was a stretch for us, but we did it. Since then, we’ve repainted, reroofed, redone many of the spaces. Even though the  flood caused a major upset and change, I’m grateful we’re still here. 

Outside this year, we were challenged by the city and neighbors to fix the sidewalk broken by a huge Dedora Cedar tree. The city demanded we fix the sidewalk. And our neighbors demanded we cut down the tree because they hated the needles falling on their cars. I’m grateful for the expert arborists who helped us figure out how to fix the sidewalk and trim the tree. So it still stands tall and beautiful. 

Grateful. Yes, I am.  

For love and support and family and friends.

For my mud and clay lovers and gallery owners.

For my home and garden and trees. 

For all of us on this planet who move together to make this a better world. 

Season of Change

 

I can’t believe it’s November already. Leaves have fallen. The garden is harvested. And trees, bushes and flowers have been trimmed. Mother Nature is shortening the sunshine getting us all ready for winter. I don’t know if I’m ready, yet. 

I do love the color changes. Hydrangeas turn from bright blue to burgundy as they dry in vases around the house. Leaves float down in shades of bright yellow, gold and red. I always find this season inspiring which leads to different work in the studio. 

Changing leaves. 

It’s this time of year when I can collect my favorite leaves in the park. I admit, I don’t know the species of tree. Maybe it’s a Maple? But I love the shape and size and structure of these leaves. So I carefully collect them and carry them home putting them under light plastic covers to keep them fresh. 

In the studio, I roll out my favorite clay and carefully imprint each leaf on it. Then, I draw through the clay following the leaf shape and place each one on the shelf to slowly dry. 

What starts out as leaf and clay ends as a finished porcelain plate or platter in shades of gray or burgundy. 

Changing life. 

My husband and I are into a new life phase many call ‘retirement’. I don’t like the word because it implies we are not doing anything but sitting around. And it’s definitely not true for us. 

We may not be working 9-5 but we are both still active and productive. We are both taking care of our grandchildren several times a week. We walk every day and we are both producing creative work. 

He’s busy writing and producing new podcasts on Substack. 

I’m busy in the studio making sculptures, leaves and lily vases. And selling my work in a new local gallery. 

Like the seasons, life changes. 

And while somethings fall away, 

Other things can bloom and grow. 

We can’t stop time from flying, 

But we can enjoy the flight. 

Making and Baking and Moving On

It’s foggy outside making it hard to see the partial solar eclipse but that’s ok. Walking through the park, I can admire it anyway. I love the soft blurry light along side the crisp crescent edges. The park is quiet, even the ducks are silent. It’s calm and cozy beautiful. 

And I realize, as I walk along with Michael and Darby, that it’s all good. It’s a surprising feeling after all the unwanted change, grief, fear and frustration of the last 7 months. But somehow, like the fog, a sense of softness and serenity has enveloped me. Quietly.  Slowly. And without my conscious thought, I’m stepping into a new life. 

Making.

I’m a maker and a dreamer who sees things not just with my eyes, but with my hands. I love color and texture and words. I don’t always know what I’m doing but I do it anyway. I started out painting in watercolor when I was 16 and I fell in love with its flow and softness. Wet into wet watercolor is just so juicy and pure. 

Lately, I’ve been experimenting with using watercolor techniques on clay. I’m not quite there, yet, but I’m enjoying the process. Here’s what came out of the kiln this week. 

I’ve also been playing with small clay animals and angels. Maybe it’s the young grandchildren who fill my life right now that’s inspired these colorful characters. I’m not sure and I don’t think it really matters. They’re fun to make and isn’t that the goal?

Baking.  

It’s that time of year, cool and foggy, when I just love to bake. One of my favorites are Macaroon cookies. But now with all fall weather and misty mornings, I’m craving pumpkin bread. 

Baking up a loaf or two fills my kitchen with warm aromas and my heart with comfort. And what could be better than a warm slice right out of the oven with a freshly brewed cup of tea. 

Moving On.

Life changes and it changes us as well. I’ll admit I struggle with change, even when it’s a good change. My body and mind quiver with anxiety. I lose sleep. Sometimes I gain weight, sometimes I lose weight. And I know we‘ve all been through a lot of changes in the past three years, so you might be going through some of these feelings, too. 

Somehow, like the seasons, I’ve moved onward. It happened so slowly I didn’t even see it. But I feel it now. 

There’s a soft, quietness inside and around me

Wrapping around me like a warm sweater

I’m ok now, it’s saying

Breathe in, smell the fresh pumpkin bread baking

Sip your tea with a happy sigh.