More digging. More discovery.

 

In the last month, I’ve been digging deep. I could blame it on covid or the flood in my kitchen. I see it’s a combination of both that’s sent me into the dark, dusty corners of every closet and drawer in my home. 

First, I excavated a 4 drawer file cabinet, a smaller file cabinet and some shelves in my studio. I wrote about it hopefully, thinking I had cleared enough of the old to start anew. Alas, I was just beginning the dig. 

Everything and the kitchen sink. 

One day as I was doing the dishes in the laundry room(our current kitchen), I looked up and wondered. What was in all those cupboards? Yup, time for another dig. From there the dig site expanded to the pantry, kitchen cupboards, desk drawers and shelves and the closet under the stairs. 

From used up candles, batteries and Christmas light bulbs to flip phones, cds and a telephone book, yes many pieces of past lives were uncovered. I found tooth fairy treasures, prom pictures and a note my dear Gram sent to me when I was in college with a box of chocolate chip cookies. Please note: no crumbs were found. 

Piles grew. Somethings went to Goodwill. Some were given away. Some were recycled. And some like report cards, test scores and prom pictures went back into the hands of my children, now grown. Colorfully crayoned, handmade Mother’s Day cards and notes were sweetly tucked away again. 

Deep discovery. 

In the cupboard under the stairs, I found rows of paintings. Oil on canvas. Watercolor landscapes. Framed acrylics. And pastel portraits of my children. All packed away and forgotten. 

Once upon a time, I spent time painting on canvas or paper, drawing in pastel, using pen and ink over watercolors. None were signed or dated. I didn’t think about it at the time, I just did it. Then I put them in the closet. And forgot them. Completely.  

Creative digging. 

Ever since the flood in my kitchen, I’ve been unable to throw, roll, underglaze or glaze. Part of my damaged kitchen cabinets were pushed up against my kiln, so I can’t use it. And I see now, all that creative energy went amuck mucking out drawers, shelves and closets. 

Now, I don’t regret it. Clearing out is always refreshing. And the dig revealed sweet family treasures from the past. But the biggest discovery for me, was not just the old art I’d done, but the fact that I’ve always found a way to make art. Whether I had minutes, hours or days, with only scraps of paper, cloth, canvas, or clay, I found a way. 

So even if I can’t do clay right now, that’s all right. All I have to do is follow the dotted lines or colorful drips wherever they lead me. Who knows what I might dig up and discover?

Making Space

I’ve spent a lot of time during Covid cleaning. I do clean my home once a week but closets and cupboards and book shelves do gather dust. Somehow during this Covid time, I’ve found myself going from all ‘go’ to full ‘stop. Over and over. 

In March, I was determined to keep to my work schedule. Clay days. Painting days. Firing days. Errands, home and cleaning days. I look back and see it was my way of coping during a very scary time. I thought if I ran fast enough, maybe I’d out run it all. 

My way of working out. 

While every other social media post showed new ways to work out ‘at home’. I did my usual: walking the dog, yoga and throwing. But I added more to my workout schedule. 

I wiped down all my oak cabinets, doors and drawers with Murphy’s Oil soap. I treated my 12 pieces of leather furniture with conditioners. I dusted shelves and scrubbed drawers. This weekend I’ve dusted and reorganized two closets, cleared out 10 drawers, one desk and a window seat full of, yes, more drawers. 

Turning my worry into work is nothing new to me. I’ve done it all my life. I don’t do it all the time but during a time like this, I find it’s a helpful, healthful coping mechanism. It’s a work out that helps in body, mind and, yes, soul. 

Feeling refreshed and ready. 

Life is a force for change. Whether we like it at the time or not, life moves us on. Moving for me seems to always involve some cleaning and clearing. Whether it’s just to settle my energy or let go of the past to move into the future, it’s a workout that works for me. 

I’m making space in my body, mind, life and home for something new. And new things are coming. Some I know for sure and others I don’t. Either way, I feel refreshed and ready. 

And my closets are really clean. 

Creative Amnesia. Or things I did that I forgot. Or did I?

I wrote a whole blog about Fall and change and creativity, but it just doesn't feel right, right now.  Because if I'm really honest (and I try very hard to be really honest), I'm avoiding writing about something that I never thought I'd be writing about: creative amnesia.  

Creative what?

I first saw the term in a blog by Jen Louden.  She was talking about it as a process that happens right after creation.  You make, write or create something and when it's done, you forget you did it because you're so busy moving onto creating your next painting, book, or song.  I could definitely see what she was talking about and it struck a chord with me, but I also felt a few notes were missing.  

What I found in my closet.

All that closet cleaning and the article about creative amnesia seemed to come together with a flash of revelation.  I hadn't just forgotten what I'd created over the last 30 years, I'd buried it.  Inside boxes, up on dusty shelves, and under the stairs, I found my life's creative work.  And, although I thought I remembered all of my creations, I did forget some of my creations existed.  I didn't remember the Clio I'd won.  I forgot the pastels I did of my children, a delicate beaded piece and an unfinished painted fiber piece.  It was so overwhelming, I'm just starting to write about it. And like my unfinished pieced imagery project, I can see this will take some time for me figure out and put together.  What I don't want to do is push it all back into the closet, forget it and disown it and myself again.

How Facebook and a friend helped.

It was one of those Facebook things: one artist posts their work for five days and asks another artist to do so for five days.  I see them all the time and usually never do them.  But this time, it felt right.  It seemed like a perfect way to face my creative amnesia, to get my art out of the closet and own my work.  

Thanks to my friend, Jo Grishman, I did the Facebook posts.  Every day for 5 days, I posted pictures of my work, some of which had never been seen or photographed before.  It was a little scary, I'll admit.  Not just to face my own student work, but to post it on a public site like  Facebook.  I got some nice comments and a few likes to help bolster my nerves.  Best of all, I sold a mask that is a favorite of mine to a friend in another state who had never seen my work before!  

When no cure is a good thing.

I'd like to say I won't ever forget my creations again.  That my creative amnesia is gone without a trace, but I know that can't happen. Why? Because, as an artist, writer and creator, I have to 'forget' my work. I have to let go of my pieces when they've sold.  I have to get my old work out of sight in order to envision new work.

I'm glad I had creative amnesia.  I'm glad I forgot my past work. I'm happy to have found it again, shared it and sold it.  Cleaning out my creative closet was hard but it's the best thing I've done for myself and my creativity in a long, long time.