FOMO and BTDT

I realize I’ve been living too much in the online world lately. Watching posts about art events, art sales, art awards, gallery shows, I get sucked into the comparison vortex. And, let’s face it, that’s exactly what social media sites do to us all. And what does it cause? Anxiety. Stress. 

Ok, sometimes it’s great news for everyone. But we all know that’s few and far between. And while I post along with everyone, I try to keep an eye out for things that might be hard for others to see. But since I don’t know what’s going on in everyone’s life, something I might post could cause bad feelings, too, even if my intentions and yours are good. 

FOMO

Fear Of Missing Out is a common social media side effect for everyone. We see others on European vacations, getting awards, selling their art, even adding to their families. What do we do? Compare. Usually not favorably. 

Due to the recent roller coaster of life changes, I’ve chosen to stick close to home base. I took the summer off from the studio. I needed to cocoon and absorb and recharge. I did a lot of reading, walking, cleaning, clay and crocheting. And it was good. 

But I’ve been feeling FOMO lately. I see all the posts about Open Studios and Art Events coming up this fall that I’ll be missing. I’ve done many of those things in my art life: Open Studios, Gallery shows and group sales. Even though I had good reasons for not getting involved this year, some things, I miss. And some, not. 

BTDT

When I was in my 30’s, I did a monthly Gallery Gawk with three other women. Two were the age I am now and one of the things they seemed to constantly say is: Been There, Done That. I remember thinking, ok. Good for you, but I haven’t been there or done that yet. I hoped I would someday. 

And I did. I got to do those things I hoped for and more. And now what do I find myself saying? You got it. Been There. Done That. 

Some things I enjoyed. Some things I didn’t. I loved showing in galleries. Open studios was fun. Big group sales with all the hauling, set up and tear down, not so much. So the real question is: what do I want to do now? 

And with all the life changes, I’m not sure. 

What I do know: I love to create. 

I love clay and color and texture. 

I love making things. 

And seeing those things enjoyed by art lovers. 

So whether I’ve BTDT or am feeling FOMO, I’m going to keep making things. 

From small figures to pumpkin bread to crochet blankets to watercolor on clay.

Because I’m a maker. 

And Makers make. 

Leaning into Life

If you’ve been reading my blog, you’ll know that life has thrown the unexpected my way. Again. It’s been time filled with grief and anxiety. Yet, even with all the changes and bureaucratic nightmares, there are moments of fun and peace. 

Right now, I’m writing by the window. Looking out at a sunny day with a slight cool breeze lifting me up. 

Fun with mud. 

This week, I got out my clay and played. I rolled and stamped. I slipped and joined. I cut new shapes with tiny cookie cutters. Voila! New flower fairies or are they flower angels? I’m not sure yet. That’s ok. What really matters is I had my hands in mud. And it was fun.

The next day, I threw some more mud. I wedged up some porcelain, sat down at my wheel and threw a few bowls. The most wonderful thing about it: I didn’t think. I didn’t worry. I didn’t have any expectations. I just slapped that clay down and the next thing I knew I had 2 bowls. When finished one will be bowl for baby Madden, like the ones I made for Meyer and Cieran. 

Life is a roller coaster. 

I’ve said this before, I know. But it’s so true. What’s also true, I hate roller coasters! And I think we’d all agree, with Covid, supply chain issues, global weather disasters and layoffs, we want off this roller coaster! Now. 

But, it doesn’t work that way, does it? 

So what can you do? Hang on and lean in. 

I’ve been hanging on with books and walks and clay. I’ve been leaning in with family and friends and furry four footers. I’m only a few weeks away from having my medical coverage, so I can lean out a little into the world, soon. 

I don’t know what is going to happen next. 

And that’s a little scary, especially after the last 3 years.

But I’m going to try something new,

Leaning in to life.  

And hoping for good things. 

August Already

 

A few months ago, I decided to take the summer off. So many things had changed that turned my life upside down. I needed time and space. I needed to let go of my old routine in order to figure out a new one.

At the beginning of all these unexpected life changes, I had a hard time. I wasn’t eating or sleeping or feeling very well. One of the biggest stresses was having my healthcare taken away with no warning. It pushed my anxiety through the roof. I had a hard time feeling safe to leave the house or spend time with friends. I had to learn to manage my anxiety by first accepting it and then working to find ways to ease it. 

I don’t know if I’m completely there yet, but I did find ways to help myself. I wrote about the three C’s: Clay, Crochet and Cleaning. These things plus a few others that help me are simple: walking in the park with my husband and darling Darby, reading books, cutting flowers and taking care of my grand babies. 

Walking. 

I’m very lucky to live close to a wonderful park filled with wildlife, green spaces, play spaces for children and adults. You might think that walking in the same park everyday would be boring but it’s not.

Everyday there’s something new to see: blackberries are out, young geese are learning to fly,  kids are laughing, Darby is sniffing and my grand baby is sleeping peacefully. 

Clay and Crochet. 

I found years ago that working with my hands was calming. Giving my body movement, gives my anxious mind a rest. The biggest plus, it’s fun too! 

So far, I’ve made crochet blankets in mint green, purple, pink, yellow, midnight blue and white. I’m working on a new one in peach. I love to crochet and am so glad my family loves their soft throws.

I’ve also been busy making new clay animals and fairies. I’ve done sculpture for decades, but right now, I needed something small and fun. These kitties, doggies, birds and fairies seem to be filling up my studio shelves. I’m hoping the hot weather will ease, so I can fire them soon. 

Beautiful Babies. 

I never thought I’d be one of ‘those’ grandmas. You know the ones who can’t stop bragging about their grandchildren. But, it’s official, I am. They call me ‘Gram’ after my Gram whom I loved dearly. My only hope is to pass on the love to the next generation. That said, here are some pics whether you want them or not. 

Anxiety is not a fun place to live. 

I knew it was up to me

To find my way out:

Walking, crocheting, playing with clay

And best of all, baby kisses and hugs.

Art and Ageism

 

The sun is shining. There’s a cool breeze keeping the day light and comfortable. It’s a perfect summer day, really, so why do I feel unsettled? Why am I looking up and around with a wondering, worried, wandering feeling?

Because my life has changed. So has yours, I’m sure. It happened to all of us over the last 4 years with covid and closures. Add a flooded house, reconstruction and then, job loss and no health insurance. Even though I qualify for Medicare and filed for it, it’s been 3 months and I’m still waiting for Medicare Part B due to a corporate screw up and a slow government system. 

It’s scary. And I know, I’m not alone. 

Boomers are older now. 

There’s a word everyone likes to use to describe my husband and I: retired. We’re supposed to be happy about it. It’s supposed to be a release from the drudgery of 9 to 5 work. But what if you loved your work? What if that was your interest, your creativity, your calling? And now, because you are a ‘certain’ age, you’re not supposed to be doing it anymore. 

Is that fair? Or right? Or good? That someone, somewhere gets to decide you’re done?

Nope. Not at all. It’s ageist. If you like the job and can do the job, you should be able to do it as long as you want. I’m not alone in thinking this, there are articles everywhere about men and women in their 80’s and beyond who want to keep working and many still are. 

Here’s another funny thing: as boomers are being forced out of the workplace, there’s no one to replace them. Other adults decades younger are not filling those jobs. Companies are searching for workers and not finding them. 

If you want to hear an interview about ageism, here’s a link to a podcast by Mike Turner:

https://sites.libsyn.com/468780/this-chair-rocks

This Chair Rocks

"This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism" author Ashton Applewhite talks about about her battles with Ageism and what can be done to stop the discrimination.

I’m not retired. And I’m not going to retire. 

As an artist, I am my own employer and employee. I get to decide what I do or don’t do. I’ll admit that can be a heavy responsibility. I’ve been a lot of places with my art over the last 20 years: gallery shows, sculpture shows, pottery shows, open studios, online shows and shops. During the pandemic, I worked hard to figure out new products to make and places to sell them. Overall, I’ve done pretty well. 

Now, I’m looking at my work from a different point of view. Instead of making what I think will sell, I want to go back to making what wants to be made. That’s how I started out. I had no finished product in mind. I didn’t think about marketing. I just picked up my paintbrush, copper, fabric or clay and worked. In the process, something emerged and I followed it. 

Somewhere along the way, I decided to lead instead of follow. I was still creating but I see that selling more became the focus. Product over process. But things are shifting again in my body, mind and soul. I’m not sure what this means or where exactly it will go.

I’m sitting here watching the clouds shift and move. 

And that’s normal and natural. 

Just like the clouds, my life is shifting and moving too. 

Time to be a little like a dragon. 

Time to be brave and fly in new directions. 

Empty to Full

 

It always surprises me. My studio shelves were empty a month or so ago and now I have no more room for new pieces. Really, where did all these pieces come from? Is there an elf who sneaks in at night? I’m joking, of course. 

I work in my studio and throw on the wheel. But I don’t produce hundreds of pieces a week or month or even a year. Especially after this year, with the demolition and reconstruction of my home, I had months with no production at all. And after all that time away, I wondered if what I made or didn’t really mattered at all. 

It felt overwhelming. And it took a while to get my clay feet back and my hands moving.  

One chunk of clay at a time.

That’s how it happened. One day at a time, putting my hands in a new chunk of clay and wondering. What could it be? A leaf? A bowl? A penguin? A witch? A vase?

There’s a part of me that always sees more in the world around me than is really there. To me, a tree might look like a person waving in the wind. A big leaf from a tree in the park might look like a lovely serving platter. A toilet paper tube might look like a jar or a vase. 

And throwing is just my way to meditate. That is if I don’t listen to those negative voices that try to force the clay into something it shouldn’t be: taller or wider or bigger or better. 

A love of mud. 

That’s what drew me back, really. The feel. The wonder. The questions and possibilities. Most of all, letting all of that go. Stepping into the realm of here and now.  

One day at a time. 

One chunk of clay at a time.

One bowl or bird or leaf at a time. 

And my shelves went from empty to full.

And so did my soul. 

Studio Joy

 

Hello August! I can’t believe you’re here, already. Time, they say, flys when you’re having fun and I believe it’s true. In the last week or so, days have flown by leaving me wondering: what did I do? Where did the time go? 

When time becomes timeless like that, some call it being in the zone. You’re moving naturally through the day. You’re doing without doing. You’re being in the moment and when that moment’s gone, you move on to the next. It all just happens seamlessly. 

Flow and mud and heat. 

When I moved back home in May, I had two shelves of work to bisque, glaze and fire. I couldn’t do it then, obviously, because I had 150+ boxes to unpack and a lot of reorganization to do. I managed to get the bisque firing done but again, they sat. Finally, the garage was cleared too. 

I did my first glaze of new pieces in a year! I’ll admit, I was nervous because I hadn’t been able to glaze or fire anything in 14 months. What had been automatic set up, glazing and clean up, now felt weird and new. But I dove in, got it all set up and was amazed at how fast time flew by. My soft, mud wonderful clay was now colorful ceramic bowls, plates and teacups. 

Polishing and final touches. 

I didn’t know or appreciate until I started making my own pieces, just how many steps over many days and months it takes to produce finished bowls and cups and vases. 

I know it took me longer because of my situation, obviously. But even so, there are many, many stages to taking clay and turning it into a bowl or cup. I’m not complaining, I love the process. And while I worry while my pieces fire, I’m always grateful when I open the kiln. 

This time felt like Christmas morning. I’ve been waiting for a whole year and to see my bowls and cups bright and shiny was pure joy.