Seeing from the Inside Out

I don’t know where to start writing today. There’s just so much out there right now, my mind and inbox overflows. And one thing I don’t 

want to do is add more fuel to the fire or try to wash it all away. It’s maddening and overwhelming and sad. 

I’m aware. I’m not sticking my head in the sand. I’m just trying to find my own balance. And the only thing that balances it all out for me right now is beauty and art. So I take my walks around the lake and listen to the geese. Watch the ducks swim past me. And, if I’m lucky snatch a glimpse of a heron. 

At home, I crochet because the movement of my fingers in and around yarn soothes my soul. Right now, I’m crocheting red ‘resistance’ hats. Learning to make a tassel was a new process but I did figure it out, finally. The next hat will be better. 

And I doodle and paint and play with clay. This week, when it all got too much, I took out my black pen and let it swirl up, down and around. Then I got out my watercolor pencils and colored the sections in like a coloring book. Another day, I brushed water into each section. Another day, I went over my black lines with more black. It’s nothing. It’s just a doodle. But it gave my mind and soul a safe place to meander for a while. 

Another day, I took out some clay pieces that needed the next step: color. I made these pieces in the last 6 months or so with no agenda in mind. I’ve never made anything like this before. They’re not functional clay pieces. They have no fancy titles or artsy ideas. Maybe I could call them clay doodles? I don’t know. What I do know is they needed color but I wasn’t sure which colors. Again, I had no plan. I just got out my colored underglazes and started painting. 

They will need a clear glaze and firing to be finished. But that’s ok, I think the slow process isn’t just important to the clay.

 It’s important for me, for my mind and my body and my soul. 

To quiet. To rest. To see from the inside out for a change. 

Good

 

Ok. In my last piece the title was, ‘Evil’. There is evil out there, I had to write about it. And I stand by it. 

But.

There is also the ‘Good’. And I think right now, I have to see it and write about it and put it out there because I need the balance just as much right now. I think we all do. 

We need to believe in the Good. 

We need to see the good in the people around us. The good in our family, our friends, our neighbors. Even in our parks, our streets, our schools, our hospitals, our libraries. 

There is a lot of good out there right now. 

Here’s some more on a personal level: my husband was helped by EMT’s, doctors, nurses, lab techs and volunteers. He is well and home and fine, thanks to all of these people. I was helped by family and neighbors and friends who ran errands, walked my dog, cleaned my kitchen, brought us dinner, sparkling water, soup, Kleenex and warm cranberry cake. 

Good people live all around us. All the time. 

They share. They ask how you’re doing and listen. They hold the door open for you.  

They protest. Make signs. Bring wet wipes and food. 

And help you survive the bad. 

They are the good. 

We need to see the good right now. 

So we can all survive the bad. 

Evil

 

I sit here with the sunshine streaming in behind me and I wonder, why? 

And yet, I know the answers: power and greed breed evil. 

Evil that kills without shame and steals without guilt. 

But what is almost unbearable is the cost: mothers and fathers and children killed. 

I haven’t written about what’s happening in our country this way because I couldn’t find the right words. While others did and I applauded them, I felt numb. 

I know overwhelm when I feel it. I’ve been there before: COVID, layoffs, illness and major surgery, an ambulance ride to the hospital, my husband recovering from RSV. 

But this, what’s going on in our country is more than I can take right now. Go ahead and call me a coward, but right now, this is the best I can do. Now to be fair, I have made signs and protested and marched. I’d write my representatives but in the emails they send, all they want from me is money. This makes me mad, too.

Excuse me, dear Senator or Congressman, you are making more than me and from my tax dollars, too. How dare you ask me for money to do the job I am paying you to do!

Sunshine, peace and coffee cake. 

Is that too much to ask? Really?? I don’t have grand goals. I just want a few things from life and from my country. And most of it doesn’t cost anyone a dime. 

Warmth and light from the sun in the sky. Maybe a few daffodils along the way. 

Soft voices and warm hearts, peace, health and safety for myself, my husband, my grandchildren and my sweet doggie.

Sweetness and cinnamon filling the house with warmth and coffee cake. 

Living a life with simple joys and safety and gratitude. And a little art. 

But YOU, you know who YOU are: take your billions, pay your taxes, do your time. 

Your evil abuses will be remembered forever. 

A stain that no amount of money or gilded arch can ever wash away. 

But the brave and the courageous and the true people, will be celebrated long after you are gone. 

And, you will be gone.