Take a breath

 

Where are you today? What are you thinking or feeling or looking at? 

Are you tired or rested? Is your mind blissfully wandering or skittering here and there?

I used to meditate. Ok, not very well, but I did it anyway. It helped slow down my mental gymnastics but it didn’t stop them. I thought that meant I’d failed and after a while I gave it up and moved on. I find yoga helps me more because focusing on the physical movement redirects my monkey mind. It gives it something ‘to do’. 

I’ve written many blogs about my war with ‘doing’ vs ‘being’. I know I’m not alone and that is a comfort. But I think what I really need to do is end the war. 

Waving my white flag. 

More than a year of covid is getting on all our nerves. Add scared parents and grandparents seeing their sweet little ones head off to school without vaccinations. It’s enough. No, it’s more than enough. Right?

We all need a break right now. And I don’t mean a vacation, which for some is helpful, but for me that would only add more to my mental and emotional stew. What I really need, and maybe you do too, is a rest. Waving a white flag in the face of fear. 

Surrender

Looking out at today’s beautiful, blue sky I picture a cozy, quiet hammock underneath a huge oak tree where I can lay back my head, look through the gently swaying leaves. Still green against a blue sky, I watch the leaf patterns change as the air moves. 

I breathe in the sweetness. 

I hear a caw.  

I feel supported. 

Safe. 

Although there is still so much swirling in the heads and minds of the world. Mine and yours. 

Right now, I am here. 

Doing the best I can. Maybe doing the only thing I can right now.  

Taking a breath.  

“I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils”

 

This quote always comes to me this time of year. It’s from the movie, “You’ve Got Mail” written by Nora Ephron. The message is delivered by email from Joe Fox, played by Tom Hanks to Kathleen Kelley, played by Meg Ryan. 

It makes me smile and remember some simple joys of childhood: going back to school shopping. It means getting a new box of crayons, pencils, a pencil box and new lunch box. I wore a uniform, so I didn’t get pretty new clothes. Just a few new white blouses and a pair of regulation dark shoes. 

But I loved my colorful new crayons. Sometimes, I got colored pencils, too. Which is why, even now with my children all grown, I can’t help buying new school supplies. 

Notebooks and folders and pens, oh my. 

Really, I was just going to get a refill for my journal. But then, the 24 pack of multi-colored sharpies was on sale. 

And then, there were pocket folders with black and white flowers. And, of course, I needed a new notebook to keep track of our home reconstruction. 

And then, well there was a combo sketch and notebook which is just perfect for putting all the kitchen details in and design ideas. 

Well, then, how could I leave this wonderful black and white folio file? Perfect for all the insurance, contractor and subs information. Right?

Back to School.  

I’m so encouraged by my successful first outside sale two weeks ago. I look forward to finding more ways to get my ceramics out there to new people. But the hard reality is, with all the house reconstruction due to happen, I won’t be able to create new work in my studio for a while.  

So I may have to learn to create in different ways. The first step is already happening: letting go of the old. Old files, dried up supplies, unfinished and broken pieces. Saving and rediscovering notes, stories and sculptures that need a little love and attention. 

I may not be school age anymore, but that doesn’t mean I stop learning. One thing I learned this week from my ‘end of the school year’ type of purge is to see the room I have for the new. 

Colors and design ideas for my 20+ year old home. 

Better ways to save things I love. Empty shelves waiting to be filled with new creations.

And, yes, maybe a bouquet of newly sharpened (colored) pencils.